The Orange Threat

Let me tell you a little story about my best friend.

She was born in 1978 (like me), her favorite color is orange (like me) and she is fond of French food.

We met on the computer like most people do these days and within a week we were inseparable.

OT became a part of my family when I bought her for 3,500.000 Pesos, the equivalent of about $1,700.00 USD. She was the only car being sold from that year that was still with her original owner and had its orignal exterior and brown leather interior. She was absolutely beautiful. I felt and still feel like I am in Dukes and Hazards every time I get near to her.

Since the beginning she has been quite challenging.

First, she was not automatic. I had to learn how to drive stick and according to people here who have been driving stick for a very long time, she was no easy ride. Not to mention the roads here are so difficult to understand and the drivers are maniacs. I began on the road around our house in Medellin and for more than two months I was too scared to drive alone. Mostly because I got a good handle on the driving but could not, by any means, get up a hill. And in Medellin a hill will come out of nowhere and there will be traffic smack in the middle of it. It was super difficult at the beginning.

Second, 2 months into driving we decided to take a road trip to Bogota, about 8 hours from Medellin. Within the first 20 minutes we kind of maybe, just a bit, collided with the mountain and the car, after flipping over and skidding along the wet, curvy road, ripped my hair

and lost many of its much needed parts to function properly. According to all those that saw us flip, we were extremely lucky. We were further lucky because we found some amazing men in Barrio Triste, one of the most deprived neighborhoods in Medellin (not including the guys who stored their drugs in our tires) to replace all the parts of the car that were destroyed including the roof, hood, front and back windshields, tires, sides, exhaust and the bottom parts under the gas tank and where it was repainted.

side note: Barrio Triste is what is says, a very sad neighborhood. There was recently an article in one of the Colombian newspapers about it that emphasized the danger of living and working there. It stated how most people there became addicted to drugs and did not live very long to talk about it. This same neighborhood is where you can find mechanics, painters and other car gurus who have been working every day since childhood. They are more efficient and effective that mechanics who go to study for a few years because this is and only ever will be their livelihood.

So, slowly but surely all her parts were removed and replaced.

Nuts and bolts were screwed back on, engine parts were put back together again and paint was re-applied. Over a month later she was almost back to new minus the front and rear bumper and what we found out very quickly after we took her home, oil and 4 bolts in the steering wheel. If we had been lazy and not checked, the entire steering wheel would have disconnected from the tires and we would have had another very nice little crash that maybe we were not so luck with this time.

The good news though, OT is back on her wheels, driving me everywhere I have to go and sucking me dry of all my money. But she is worth every penny and she is the first car I have ever outright owned.

Brain Pain - Life in a Cyclone

It has been more than a year since I last updated my blog. Since then I moved to Colombia, got a job teaching English and... well, that's it really.

But this past month has been a whirlwind of emotions and a roller coaster of ideas and experiences.

Too much to catch up on so Im going to list it:

1. Quit my job 2/22/12 (oh, just noticed that is exactly 10 years after I had my first episode where I was misdiagnosed with MS)

2. VISA canceled 2/23/12 The school canceled my VISA and I had a month to get a new one or leave the country
a. Victor and I decided to get a temporal visa which states that I am in the country for 2 years, not true but no bad karma attached. (im putting it out there so it becomes true) To do this we needed to get a letter stating that we are together signed by a notary and fly to Bogota for several days to visit the Colombian embassy. While there we had to answer several questions about our relationship, pay $210 dollars and I am now officially able to use his health insurance and stay in the country for one year as well as work.

3. Rent a Room 2/27/12 Vic and I rented a room inside an apartment full of university students. 4 rooms, 7 people. I dont even remember living like this when I was in college. But, we needed a place in Medellin to stay when we could not travel back to Santa Elena and this was in the neighborhood we wanted and well, it is damn cheap. $150 for both of us every month. The plan was to just stay for a month but then I quit my job, yadda yadda yadda, and we are staying an extra month to save money.

4. Dancing again Two of the girls in the room are salsa dancers and I had not been dancing for a loong time. I began going with them and havent stopped since.

5. New Cookie Business I was lost and looking for direction and had my period, which of course meant I was craving chocolate. I had no idea where to find a great chocolate chip cookie so Vic told me, make one. THat is when my cookie business began. I went to my apartment, met a friend from the states who is living here for 6 months and told her about the idea. THe only problem was I dont cook and I never baked. She LOVED the idea and was looking for something to do to occupy her time so we decided to get into business. (For the past three weeks we have been trying different cookie recipes, buying different cooking materials and creating our logo: a milk and cookie dancing together with our name underneath http://lasmunchies.wordpress.com/) We are already sick of sugar and tired of baking but we are pushing forward. We made a plan and next Friday we will take samples of our cookies with little cups of milk to our neighborhood where all the kids are smoking and drinking and start selling them.

6. Swimming I began swimming lessons, 8 classes for $40 in the most amazing stadium with 12 different pools all outdoors. I started off in level 2 and after 2 weeks they bumped me to level 6. Yay B'nai B'rith for teaching me something! Now I am learning the butterfly and everything hurts.

7. New Dating Business While swimming I met Cesar, a guy in my class, who for some reason told me that I should speak with his friend, Jerry. Jerry is a Chinese-American 65 year old guy from Hawaii living in Medellin for 2 years. He told me Jerry is trying to start a dating business and he is looking for someone who wants to start it with him. Well, we all know my history with online dating, I am the QUEEN! I met with Jerry, we liked one another, he is putting money down and I am putting ideas and time into the project.

8. New Yoga Business Shanti, the Colombian yogi who is not a yoga teacher but will begin teaching classes with me. He is really studying architecture but has decided that his passion is yoga and healing. We met 2 and realized we will work great together. This week we are meeting to discuss logistics. Basically, we will teach every class together, one will be the main teacher while the other walks around and corrects.

9. New VISA 3/18-3/22 - Bogota for VISA

10. New teaching job 3/23, Thursday, I was called for an interview at a different school. The woman who replaced me at Vermont school told this HR director about me and that I was looking for work. I went in for an interview and Tuesday I was called back in to sign a contract. I negotiated what is great for me and terrible for almost everyone else. I wanted a 2 month contract (their mid-year vacation starts june 8th and I only wanted a contract until then). The principal thought this was odd but granted my request and I begin Friday!

10. Moved out of cute, perfect, far far away house 3/25/12 We left our beautiful, cute, little finca in Santa Elena. After 4 months of waking up at 4:30 every morning to travel 2 hours to the school and then coming home another 2 hours to get there at 8PM to go straight to sleep, we realized something about our livelihood was missing the "live" part. We were never really able to enjoy the farm and the beauty of it because we were never there in daylight. And, to top that off, when we were there on the weekends it was always cloudy and raining. But, we had to break the contract. And, we wanted to do it in the best way possible so we told them owner that we will stay in the house until she finds someone new. Of course she found someone when we were in Bogota. We were there from Sunday March 18 - THursday March 22 and had to move out that weekend. So, we came home, went straight to the finca and moved everything to his mother's place, also in Santa Elena, and his friend's storage unit in the city.

OK, this was really a blog for me to remember all the hecticness that has been going on. It is also to remind me that when something ends, if I remain positive and open to living my passionate life, it will all come. And it did.

Reina, the Queen of Queens

I figured that after 14 years of trying to figure out what to do with my life, I would revisit that question once again, this morning at 11AM with Reina.

Reina is one of those women that reads your energy and the energy of other people. I went to her office (after a month and a half wait), sat at a small table across from her and she took my hands in hers for about 2 minutes. To make a story short she told me I had two purposes in this life:

1. To get married and have a family. She told me that while many people take this path, this is my purpose, this is what I am meant to do. My heart and my soul were created to bring a family into this world and raise them. OK. Moving on, anyone can say that to a 34 year old women and they would be right 95% of the time.

2. My essence is to bring love and life to people through an artform. (this peaked my interest, i am pretty damn good at painting and drawing but i dont really enjoy it) My artform, my essence, my calling, my energy: dance. OK. hold up a minute, this caught my attention. This is exactly the reason I left on this journey 2 years ago, to explore my passion for dance. She continued to say that I will not make money at this initially because I need people to reach out to me. How do I do that? Through teaching or any other job where I can communicate with large numbers of people on a daily basis. The more I can reach out to the community and get them to trust me and know me, the more people I will have to extend my "gift" too.

Wah-lah. And that is how Reina became my reina. i have been doing it right all along. I guess I just needed someone to "ok" me. Teaching to the masses, now I have to start to introduce dance into that. Oh wait, but I just quit my teaching job (hmm, will revisit that in another post).

But Reina was not finished with me yet. She started with my purposes to butter me up, then she turned to the energy that was blocking me from success in both relationships and work.

Reina: Who was the man in your life 14 years ago?
Me: LP (for those of you who remember, he came from another country to be with me in college)
Reina: He is standing here next to me right now, staring at you. He is following you everywhere you go. He means you no harm but he loves you immensely and cannot forget you.
Me: Um, he is dead?
Reina: No, no, its just his energy.
Me: So do i have to call him and tell him to leave me alone?
Reina: (laugh) No, that is my job. Its important for you to know that you never had long, lasting, meaningful relationships because he always blocked your success with another man because he would not let you go. Once his energy is cleared, you can continue with your life purpose #1 (ok, she didn't exactly say that, but she suggested it by pointing to her left hand's ring finger over and over again - remember, there was still the language barrier)

Another wow for me. I used to think 3 months in a relationship is long based on my dating CV, but when I reflect back on it, being 34 years old and only having 3 month relationships?? not so intense afterall.

Great i thought.. time to move forward when she struck me with another one..

Reina: who was the woman in your life 14 years ago? She is a bad energy and does mean you harm. She is pulling your hair and pushing you around and preventing you from feeling comfortable staying in one place.. you want to move from her any chance you get and she is not letting you out of her grips
me: i dont know.. i had a roommate but she never meant to block or harm me..
Reina: think..
me: could be the girl LP broke up with to come be with me and then went back to and married
Reina: that could be it.. with the cleansing of both these spirits you will have open space to move forward. no more excuses to lose interest and move around and not take action.

(damn, who has she been talking to?)

Reina: Lastly, where are you?
me: Um, here?
Reina: (laugh) i know that... but your head is in the clouds and you are floating around.. put your damn feet on the floor, baby, its time you get centered. You cannot help anyone or bring your love and soul and energy to the world if you are not in this world. Trust me, you will have a lot of time up there one day, but for now, BE HERE! Center yourself. Get grounded. Head up, but feet on the floor! STOP LOSING INTEREST IN EVERYTHING YOU DO (She did actually say that more strongly so I think I have the right to put it in caps)

And that was the final commentary on my life. If you know me, you know its true.

What was great about her was the she didn't predict the future, she didn't tell me how to bring dance to this world (even though i begged her to tell me what to do.. lol) and she would not tell me what my path is. She only told me about my essence and my energy: to love through dance and have a family.

I think that was a pretty good gift to myself.

2/18 The Visa

The first thing I do when I wake up after spending my first night in BsAs is go to the Brazilian Embassy. Kasia and I plan to get to Brazil by March 1st and it’s a 44 hour bus ride so we have to leave by the 25th of February to arrive on time and explore the city before Carnaval starts.

At the embassy I go on the computer to make an appointment and the first available appointment is 3/1. Well, this is a problem. Because, if we wait until 3/1, it will then take 2-3 days to get the Visa after the appointment and then the bus ride that it will no longer make sense to go to Carnaval.. it will almost be over by the time we get there!

So we go to the counter.. side step.. Kasia is a strong, loud and sometimes very obnoxious chica. She will fight and not hear what you have to say and just keep arguing her point. Sometimes she gets results sometimes it’s a disaster. She comes to the window with me, because he Spanish is ten times better then mine and the woman is speaking Spanish and starts to argue with her about the VISA and I need a new appointment, etc. The woman doesn’t have much fight left in her since it’s the end of the day and basically says we can come back BUT there is no guarantee that she will see me.

SO that afternoon I must get all the paperwork needed for the appointment.

1. A copy of the bank statement
2. An address where I will be staying
3. My passport, obviously
4. And.. OI.. tickets showing that I am going INTO and OUT OF brazil.

Well, this causes a real problem. Tickets are expensive and I have no idea where im going after brazil. Victor has been telling me he will join me there but most recently his mother got very ill and his assistant was sent to jail so he is up in arms between work and family. So I write the letter. The dreaded letter. Goes something like this:

Victor, I am about to make whatever we have go from fantasy to reality in 2 short seconds; hold on and breathe…

I go on to explain the situation and say im terribly sorry that this is such bad timing for you considering what is happening and blah blah blah but I need to know because I will make other plans if you are not ready for me to come to Colombia in the middle of next month. In case you don’t know, he has been writing to me telling me he wants to live with me and be with me and …… ya know.

I was petrified, because as most women know, the last thing a man wants is pressure. The last thing I want is to have to create a whole new plan. Its not easy traveling and not knowing where I will be next. Its fun to an extent but its really fucking hard too.

So.. panic, panic, nervous, upset, over it, panicked.

Go online half an hour later and he is online.. I write to him immediately and say, “now are you scared?” and he writes back one sentence (something like this):

“silly, shy girl. You make me laugh. You go round and round in circles to finally get to the conclusion that I want anyway.”

We write a little more and he says to me that he will never do something he doesn’t want to do and he will always be honest about what he wants and he wants that I come whenever I’m ready whether its from Argentina tomorrow or brazil in a month. Wow. He has no fear about my leaving, no fear about my meeting someone else or forgetting about him because he knows that if I do, then we are not meant to be together.

Anyway, I realize 2 minutes later that I do not have to book a flight out of the country right this minute but I can buy a bus ticket and then return it for only losing 10%. Why can I never do my research before I panic? But it was good that I know how he feels.

So that’s what I do. Thursday morning at 7 I leave the house where im staying and take the subway to the bus station, by my there and return ticket.. 88 hours on a bus.. AHHHH!!! And head to the embassy.

The trick:

When I get there, there are loads of other tourists who have come to try to change their appointment. They are also aggressive and pushy and try the “im going to cry” approach. What do I do? I make sure im at the office first. I let this woman see me (she looks like Josephine if anyone knows her!) and then I go sit down.

(Finally these ugly green glasses pay off because everyone in South America tags me as the girl with the green glasses.)

I wait 2 hours, crocheting, reading my book, and in this time the woman and the guard are going off the hook yelling at people and trying to get them to leave because they are trying to sneak in before their appointments and they are yelling back and its just a whirlwind. At one point I think I should go home because this woman is not happy. Finally at 11 people stop coming into the office and the line lessens and I stand up and walk quietly over there. I make sure not to speak to anyone or do anything. I just wait. 2 girls are before me and they go to the window. They are American, in college and have an appointment for 3/2 and their flight is 3/5. They start to plead with “Josephine” and beg and finally the woman has had enough. This woman who speak very poor English stands up from behind her “encasing” and shouts…

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU WANT ME TO DEFY MY BOSS.. MY BOSS who is the brazilian government?!?! You want me therefore to defy my government so tha you 2 Americanas can go to my country for a vacation. Don’t you dare ask me to turn my back on my government for you. you are so full of yourselves. It takes your country months to hand out a visa, it takes us ONE DAY and you still cannot wait. Why are you so important.. GET OUT”

So obviously, now I’m a little shaken. I have to decide (since im next and last on line) do I go or do I not go? I just saw this woman’s fangs and I’m freaking out a bit. I approach her and very quietly say (by the way.. do you see that most countries hate Americans.. its not Americans as much as it’s the government and its because our government treats their people like shit most of the time when they are applying and charge heavy fees and make them wait days, weeks or months and also because a lot of Americans feel privileged and that they are better then everyone else and they an work there way through anything, and it makes other people PISSED OFF! As you can see.)

Where was I? yes.. I walk up to Jo and I say in my retarded Spanish. Hola, vino ayer y me dijo que puede regressar hoy dia. Llegue a las 9 y esperi para todo de los gentes a salir antes do viniendo a su ventana. Tengo mis boletos, tengo todo” Well, this woman just started ranting and raving and shouting in Spanish.. but not at me, about the girls who she just yelled at and were waiting behind me to see what would happen. And then she says in English, why,, why these Americans? And then she takes me passport and says, “oh. You’re American too?” and I nod slowly and steadily and she takes my things and starts jammering away and saying things mostly of which I don’t understand but something along the lines of.. “im going to do this for you but its also to teach those girls a lesson that they cant just come here when they want and I get to decide who comes and who doesn’t and if I want to be nice to someone and they need to learn manners and im sick of this and then she smiles at me and says, OK.. you’re done.. make sure they see that you have your VISA.

Of course I didn’t have it exactly, I still had to go to the bank and pay about $150 to get it and return the next day (today) to pick it up.. but they knew right away that she took my passport and I was through. They were flabbergasted, I was happy and restful since I really didn’t stress over anything and well, Brazil, here I come!

2/17/11 White ass – Burnt Bum

So I went to the beaches in Rosario and never before in my life have I seen so many ass cheeks staring at me from near and far, young and old.. I felt dizzy with butt bums. Then Rosalia says to me, Jessica, how can you wear those diapers that people wear to the beaches in the states, I’m taking you to buy a new bikini. Oh boy.

Not only do I not show my legs on the beach for weeks usually (because im so white) but I hells of don’t show my ass.

So after a few hours shopping I finally go home with my new bathing suit. No, it is not a thong. That will never happen. Its just a slight improvement on what I have worn in the past.

I am so excited to wear this bathing suit and the very next morning we go to the beach while everyone is at work. It was a Friday and we lay out for only about an hour and a half with breaks for swimming in between.

We finally get back to the apartment around 4 PM to loads of emails, skype missed calls and facebook messages waiting for me from all of my family members. My grandpa passed away. Immediately my plans change and I must look for a ticket back to the states for the very next day since the funeral is on Sunday.

2 problems. Flights leave from Buenos Aires, I am in Rosario and over the 2 hours that im talking with my family and making arrangements, the burn slowly starts to set in. I’m sitting and chatting and looking up flights and making plans to get to Buenos Aires when all of a sudden I start to squirm in my seat and then immediately jump from the chair in pain. I run to the mirror in Rosalia’s apartment to find that my ass turned purple in the matter of minutes. I am completely reddish purple from the back of my knees to my butt and onward and upward to my shoulders. So reddish purple that even just looking at it I start to panick, not to mention the feel of it. Rosalia rushes me to the pharmacy where I get 3 tubes of “After sun” cream and then I lay on my stomach and groan for the next 12 hours until I have to leave the next morning for BsAs. The shit part, I have 4 hours to BsAs, 2 hours to the airport, 8.5 hours on a plane, rest for a day and do the whole trip return and I CANNOT SIT DOWN. (I will not talk about my gramps funeral here). So for 24 hours straight I cant stay in one position for too long without having to adjust, itch, pull, tear and every 2 hours I have to run to the bathroom to put more cream on me which then sticks to my clothes and makes me slide and.. ugh.. so uncomfortable.

Lets go back a minute. I take an 8:30 bus to BsAs. Beto is waiting for me when I arrive (yes, we re-united in Rosario.. coming to this). We take my bags to a friend of Rosalia’s so I do not have to bring anything with me to Florida for 2 days except a backpack. This friend, Ongie, then joins us for the whole afternoon while we walk around and eat. Beto and I then grab some ice cream and get on a 2 hour bus to the airport. On this bus ride we talk. We talk a lot. He basically shares with me that he loves me and wants to be with me and have a family but he is so afraid that I will pick up and leave one day. I try to explain to him that I understand his position BUT even if he married the girl next door who never left her village, she too can pick up and leave one day. My traveling has nothing to do with looking for men (unless im single, jeje, then it doesn’t hurt!) but it gives me strength, it gives me an eye into another persons world and therefore help me to open my mind and see things from different perspectives which.. blah blah blah, you get the picture. He then asks me what im doing after carnaval and I tell him im not sure (this was before the next part…) and he asks me if I will come back to Lima. I tell him I do not know. He knows I met someone else and this person may be coming to see me and if things go well, I may want to pursue it. But I also tell him that I cannot come until he is settled with a job and a home. He has neither now and im not going to struggle while he gets to sit in his grandmothers home doing nothing being all taken care of. If he can show me that he is working towards getting a job and making a living and can afford a place to stay, then and only then I may come back. But this again is only if I still feel connected with him. And then I told him that he hurt me (yes I know.. I left him first, but then I called him and asked him to come meet me or if I can go back and he said no) and that now.. I don’t know if I ever can come back, I do not trust him. Mostly because he does not trust me and he will always question my decisions. He understood that he may have fucked up and lost me. And I tell him its most likely so but things always change. And he hugged me and told me that he knew he was in love with me when he was watching me speak to Ongie. And for me, this is love. When someone is watching you from a distance and you do not know they are watching you and you are being completely yourself and they are just breathing you in… but for me, I do not know if I can ever love him again. Its sad. Especially since my emotions were SO strong at the beginning of the year. But maybe that’s why I pulled away so quickly and so fast. I also believe things happen for a reason. And they happened this way so I can recognize that we are not meant for one another, no matter how amazing and wonderful he is.

Ok, so.. BsAs-Miami-Fort Lauderdale-Miami-BsAs. Im back….

Sweet Claudio 2/12

From Claudio. I revised since his English isn’t so good.. didn’t change words or ideas, just grammatical ouches.

You called me shit head, im proud of you.
Listen, sorry that im not good saying compliments and stuff... as i told you sunday morning; you were like an answer to a question.. even if that sounds not good, i started to think: before i met you that saturday i was asking my self another question, like, “how long since I have had a crush?” it happened to me many times that i have those feelings but i dont have them returned usually., anyway, my point is not telling you, “jess i have a crush on you” or something like that, but i have something similar on my chest... like, “i want a jess in my life”. I was talking to you hours ago about the things that repeat and hurt, and how it happens to me. I had the desire that you where the special person for me, like being in couple kind of special. I know my self, I like to fly in my mind to those stages...

Anyway,..beyond that I have magic moments near you, like i don’t want you to go, i could be hearing you talk for hours, i would love to know who you are what you want, or that sensation of, that girl came out of a movie and I fell for the star. And, with your sense of humor, and the list continues, but, then i got a reality check, that you are just passing through my life, maybe only to move something in me. Perhaps an opportunity to express beautiful things that happen inside of me, perhaps its just karma, like things that return, perhaps an opportunity to be patient and to trust who i am; a guy who is going to be so happy when I find that one for myself. I like to think like this as a conclusion. That if i knew such an incredible person like you, the moment might be closer for me to meet the one.

Before i wrote this, that was what I was thinking. What is the point of telling her this? Then... I thought there doesnt have to be a point

I want to thank you for treating me like you did, for the magic morning on sunday, for calling me shit head, i felt so close to you, like a sister talking to her brother remembering how they fight when they were little ones.

Might be more perhaps to tell of this little things, beauty things...
How exciting ah.. je its not like im waiting for an answer , but a shit head will be just fine.

the re-emergence... 2/10

Beto has arrived on the scene... i went to the house where he was staying (his friend from peru's wife) and when i got there I was soaked from head-to-toe. it was crazy raining. so he gave me a pair of his shorts and i changed and he took a towel and dried my legs with such care and love. i forgot that about him. he is such a caretaker. and then we just hugged and cuddled for hours. we went out and made lunch for the wife, Rosalia, because everyone has a siesta in the middle of the day and then we lreaxed some more and waited for her to get home at 5 and then went for ice cream. when we were out i teased beto (even though it was about me) and told her how he didnt want me and destroyed me. he got really upset and wrote me an email when he got back to the apartment about how he never meant to hurt me and he is trying to think about his future and having a serious relationship and he doesnt know what i want or where i want to be and that scares him and therefore he cannot commit to me.

well.. that was it. i had it at that point. part of the reason i was sooo upset when i left and then called him and said i want to be with him and he told me now is not good was because HE didnt know what HE wanted to do and HE was confused about his life. not because of ME.. and yet, he told me that (not because he was malicious.. but because he didnt get it) and i blamed myself.. like "if only i told him i would stay.." etc. and i sent him the first nasty email i ever sent him and told him to grow the fuck up and start accepting responsibility for his own feelings and that HE is the one confused and its for this reason he cannot be with me because no matter what i was doing.. he knew i would have stopped for him.. and blah bah blah.

anywya.. he was supposd to leave rosario the next morning but his clothes "were still wet". so he is here today until the afternoon and he wants to meet with me to talk because after i sent him that letter he told me he was too tired mentally to think and wanted to meet in person again to talk. of course i will.. i always will.. i do love him.. but after the other day.. its just not right. i mean, after all that he tells me he loves me yet.. he does NOTHING to show me he wants to be with me.. thats not enough. i think, and he told me, the other day, that he is afraid right now.. afraid to be alone (traveling alone is sooo hard), afraid about what he will do for work when he returns and afraid he made the wrong decision about me.. and he really is suffering. but so did i. and i dont want to stop him from suffering, he needs to do it to move on. but i will be here for him always. Even when my heart belongs to someone else, which it may very soon! Who knows.

the other guy. Gabi, came back to Rosario and met us at 4PM. he had some stuff planned for me and Kasia but first we decided we want to go to our crochet class (which we were going to take the next morning) and talk to the teacher about materials we need so we are prepared. i want to take crochet because of the looong bus rides and the looong days at the beach (not a beach person but kasia is). anyway, we get there and she said.. "why dont you buy the stuff and come back for an hour" so poor gabi took us to buy stuff and that sat with us and 2 older women as we all crocheted. then he took us to our salsa class. and watched us and then walked us to tango... poor guy.. but he didnt complain once. he only said.. well, now i think i need to go and have some man time. he told me how much he liked me and wanted just a little kiss.. and i told him he makes me laugh and that he will get nothing from me.. i am leaving and there is no reason to kiss. he understood but didnt stop him from trying. He even came to the bus station the day I was leaving, at 8 in the morning to say good bye. Unfortunately I was running so late that I got to the bus while it was pulling out and didn’t even have a chance to say good bye to him let alone hello. He helped me with my bag, gave a quick peck and I ran off!!! Poor, poor Gabriel.