A little oath before you read..

The first passage you will read is about my being rejected.  The one thing I never like to admit is that Im not good enough at something or for someone.  And this is forcing me to check my ego at the door.  Another thing you should know is that 2 days after I wrote this, I didn’t necessarily feel the same way.  BUT, I will not change a word I write at the time of emotion, that is pointless.  This will not be a chronology of events of where ive been and what I did.  This is to outline the range of emotions that I will experience as I journey.

I will write things that may make you think I’m depressed, crazy, insane, at the height of my happiness.  None of it is permanent and none of it is true.  This is just my ride on Thunder Mountain.  This blog is my place to vent when I have no friends and I am extremely lonely in a country where I do not understand the customs, traditions, languages or the people.  With time, I will become more familiar and even possibly understand it, maybe not.  But, I will always questions “what the hell am I doing now”?  But I hope I will do it remembering that tomorrow everything will be wonderful again. 

Be patient with me as I make mistakes, I lose my temper, I get anxious and afraid, maybe even depressed and childish.. but mostly when I do the same thing over and over again and still do not realize its poison.  Also, my irrationality in the moment of hysteria.  Sometimes I will comment that I realize I was a moron, other times I wont.  Just try to accept the fact that afterwards, almost always, when I was upset.. I will become aware that half the things I wrote were wrong.  And I promise not to change my feelings to make myself look better or more normal.  That way it is more fun for you!  I also understand this is only my interpretation.  Every situation has three stories, mine, the other person’s and the truth.  I’m not here to guess what other people were thinking or feeling, I cant do that.  I can only say what ridiculous thoughts I had at any given time and how I perceived something in the moment.

If I reflect on a conversation I have had with you, I will for sure butcher it.  Not on purpose, but just from a lack of sufficient memory cells.  And, (shit.. didn’t mean to write so much) my English vocabulary has completely faded being in Peru.  Its almost like I have become more stupid!  I just may not get those big words in here!