What Susan means to me: 4 legged animals and my period

What you need to bring with you while traveling through a Colombian jungle I learned while returning from the jungle:

1.     Deet

2.     Water

3.     Food

4.     Hiking boots

5.     Suntan lotion

6.     Passport

7.     Money

8.     Flashlight

9.     Common sense

10. Bathing suit

11. Tampons

12. Band-aids

Of the above, I had ZERO with me.  And so the story begins…

It was a bright, beautiful and clear morning.  We arrived in Santa Marta yesterday and went right to sleep to be ready for our “little” hike.   Raman, Rose (a couple from Canada), Susan and I hopped into a taxi and made a quick a pit stop with the driver to drop off the microwave that was now sitting on top of Raman’s lap.  45 minutes later, while bopping away to a medley of Greece 1 music, we were at Tayrona National Park.  We walked to our ridiculously amazing room where we would be staying the night, top floor of a little house, circular with no windows and only a bit of hatchet for a roof.  The shower was outside, the beds were outside (with mosquito nets of course) and it was like heaven.

the room

view from the room

R&R - Raman and Rose

So, from the entrance, we have to take these little mini buses into the jungle to get us close enough to a path because it would have been another hour walk into the deep of it.  The minivan waits to be full and again we need (7) for the driver.  Halfway through, the minivan stops and we are all told to get out.  What I haven’t mentioned was that there have been serious rain storms and flooding in Colombia the past few days/weeks.  Two buses that were crossing each other on the path sank in the mud and were stuck.  We had to hop across this area where another bus was waiting to take us the rest of the route.  (hours later, the buses were still trapped in the mud).  And this is when the worrying began. 

We started talking to one another.. “is this good?”  “should we do this?”  obviously you know the answer.  Let me ask you.. have you ever had an experience where afterwards you thought.. “now I’ve done everything!?!?!”  Well, this turned out to be THAT day for me.  Everything, and then some.

We get dropped off, and the crew begins walking.  Im talking to Nick and his friend Joe because it turns out, they are the only other idiots also wearing flips.  Susan walks ahead with 5 other people from the mini- van, all who are wearing (4) and Nick, Joe and I are taking our time as after the first few steps into the hike we are already slipping in our footwear and its becoming more and more difficult to take any steps with blisters, bleeding and well.. open shoes.  Finally Nick says “ahh.. fuck it” and takes his flips off.  Joe and I are still slipping with every step in the very delicate mud until I reluctantly try to take my flips off too.  So, here I am, walking barefoot in a jungle filled with mud, bugs, spiders, snakes, diseases, thorn bushes, etc.  I am panicking a bit except for the fact that we were able to pick the pace up a bit.  Then we hit our first mud puddle.  Nick takes the first step and gets knee deep in mud (WITHOUT SHOES!)  and there is nowhere else to go but through it because we are LITERALLY in a jungle.  This wasn’t like Costa Rica where they “made” the cloud forest really nice for everything.  This park was
barely visited until 5 years ago besides people from Colombia.  There is no safety nets in place or signs or anything of the sort.  So, I have no choice but to follow in right after him (oh yeah.. the choice to turn back.. but seriously?!)  So for the next 2 hours we are sweating, sighing, whining, complaining, laughing and having an incredible frightening and amazing experience waddling through shit loads of mud filled with who the hell knows what.  The real problem was that it was so friggin slippery.  The good part that it was like a constant massage between my toes.  How delicious!  And, when we would grab onto something, it was either a thin tree trunk with giant blue thorns that stuck in you like a mother fucker (never saw that before.. it was really cool) or a hanging branch that Tarzan would use so it was completely unstable and it made you fly like crazy.

Nick, me and Joe (check out the feet!)

So, like I said, 2 hours later we finally get to this roaring, angry ocean and for the first time since we left that morning, we were pumped that we were barefoot.  Everyone else’s hiking boots up to their calves were mud-filled, making their strides shorter and slower.  Well, it was 3:30 when we arrived.  The clouds were starting to form and a local told us the park closes at 5 so you have to be in or be out.  We started freaking out.  We had no (1), (2), or (3) and I had no (4), (8), (11) or (12).  And, there was NO WAY I was keeping a tampon in all day and all night and I couldn’t walk back without shoes.  It was great ONCE.. I couldn’t do it again.  And Nick and Joe looked at me and they were like NO FUCKING WAY.  We were exhausted and it was so difficult for us.  Everyone’s thoughts started to race.  Someone told us if we cross a few beaches we could find horses about 35-40 minutes away.  But there was no guarantee and we would have definitely been stuck there all night.  Plus, we couldn’t cross the beaches because there were too may boulders and the ocean was so fierce that Nick lost his flips the minute he put them down from a big wave that came and overtook them and almost him.  He was last to climb up on the rocks and it came out of nowhere.. really!  So now he was completely shoeless and we were all restless.

By the way, the only sign we saw in English the entire time we were in Colombia was on these beaches that said “more than 100 people have died swimming here.  Do not try it”

Anyway, we made it to an area that had some hammocks for rent and we were debating to walk back or move on.  Susan was walking back, I was going to stay.  I could NOT do it again.  Everything was hurting.  And then we walked behind the hammocks and found tons of people waiting in line to take 8 horses back to the main area.  People were arguing and bargaining and waiting and stressed.  Nobody was warned about how terrible the conditions were and it took everyone twice as long and nobody wanted to be stuck here yet nobody wanted to walk back either.  I walked over to one group of people that was arguing over which of the 6 of them will get the 2 horses.  They wanted to take just one to carry their stuff out but the Colombian guy was giving them 2 or none.  I don’t think they had enough money and decided to walk after 15 minutes.  I jumped on it and told the guy we will take the horses.  We needed them.  Ahead of everyone else that have been waiting.  We grabbed the guy and made him give us his horses.  So, the group was kind enough to put me and Nick on the horse (because we found out later that Joe did have some kicks in his bag but didn’t want them to get dirty).  However, he took them right out as soon as we began walking and said “fuck this”  “who cares about being clean right now”

the horse

And then part 2 of trauma began.  The guy shoves me on the horst first (cool horse, had a blonde Mohawk) and walks away.  Well, the horse starts walking too, the other direction.   If anyone knows me at all, I HATE riding horses.  It scares the shit out of me.  And I start screaming and praying and screaming some more.  I know, a bit dramatic.  But what the hell do I know!  Turns out I wasn’t the only one petrified.  Finished the horsey ride after 40 minutes and met up with the rest of the gang.  Hopped on a bus back to the entrance where the original mud-stuck buses were still entrenched.  Then took another bus back to the entrance to our “room” for the night.  Had to walk in the dark through more friggin mud and water until we made it to our home cooked meal with hot chocolate, salad, amazing coconut rice and fish.  Thanks Susan!